OK. From Me to You.
To the girl that was crying outside on steps the other day...I recognize those tears. That ocean of anxiety and fear and insecurity and sadness. Self consciously removing pieces of hair from your face and adjusting your shorts an awkward amount of times. Every move you perceive is ugly or unloveable. Even the way you sob you think must be unforgivable.
So when I asked if you were okay and you said, "yes" but that you needed a cigarette, I handed you two and sat next to you. Not to make you feel like a mental case. Not because I was giving myself some false sense of importance.
But because sometimes you're just a lady sitting on random steps crying your eyes out because your boyfriend that you think you love and thought you were going to be with for a very long time, is actually a total dick who not only kicked you out of the car but also left you in a neighborhood you're unfamiliar with to find your own way home without a cell phone and money.
And guess what? I've been that lady before too.
And the next few weeks are gonna totally suck. You'll probably stay up way too late trying to figure out what you did wrong. Are you that unloveable and terrible that you aren't worth getting home safely? No, you're not.
You're in a shitty situation with a shitty person who by the looks of it is probably going to have a shitty life. But you? You can get out of this. You can walk away and go to friends and family to give you love and help you heal and move on. But that jerk is going to be a jerk for as long as he keeps justifying his own cruel behavior.
I don't have all the answers. I barley have any at all. But i've cried enough of the tears I saw you cry tonight to know that no one should make you cry like that. Arguing is one thing. Not getting along is one thing. Having ups and downs in moderation in a relationship is one thing.
But those tears you cried tonight aren't those things. Those are tears of someone who has been pushed in a corner and isolated and manipulated into believing you aren't worth communication, love, and respect. And if you're brave and dedicated you can use this fucked up night as a stepping stone to never allow someone to put you in this position again.
The only thing that i know right now that you don't, is that you're going to be okay. That today blows but tomorrow is new. And as long as you keep that scared, bullying asshole out of your life, you will only get better and better.
So smoke those two cigarettes and take the $1.70 and get on the bus and get some sleep. Listen to Mariah Carey, too. That helps. And remind yourself that you're worth more than the position you were put in tonight.
We're all in this together.
xoxoxo
